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Racoon City Booms: New Residents Would Rather Live With Biological Monstrosities Than Evils Of Fraud

With the country’s cities, suburbs, and rural areas infected by the horde of fraud-bies (fraud zombies), law abiding citizens are looking for relief. Where can someone live without the constant threat of an account takeover, intercepted check, email compromise, ransomware, internet solicitation, or cornucopia of scams?

In an ironic twist of fate, thousands are packing their bags to head to Racoon City. It should be mentioned that this move is with the full understanding of the biological monstrosities that inhabit the locality.

“This is so much better than those cities that have criminals,” states a new homeowner. “The Umbrella Corporation provides steady work. The zombie-like creatures and monsters only want to eat your brains. They aren’t looking to rob you, scam you, and humiliate you. I can respect that.”

The Umbrella Corporation, previously under a lot of scrutiny for their crimes against humanity through their scientific experiments, has had a reprieve with the high amount of fraud targeting consumers. This is giving them a better response to those looking for work and a place to live. Consumers, once frightened and disgusted by the acts of the rogue company, are now putting in their names to live in the city.

“Each resident and their family get all the PPE and firepower they need to stay safe from the creatures,” states Umbrella Corporation Recruiter Marcus Porter. “Our wages and benefits are competitive. And when vials break and infect the area, we have an underground lab that is fully secure. Oh, and no financial crime! What other place can say that?”

While more and more move within the boundaries of Racoon City, some of the bravest are staying behind. Those on the front lines of financial crimes are not running away, taking on the fight daily.

“This isn’t a lost cause,” states fraud analyst Avery Faust. “If we can figure out a way to better protect the population and teach some basic decency and morals to the fraud-bies, we have a chance. Then maybe we can keep people from moving to places like Racoon City.”

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