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Wormwood's Christmas List


Junior Fraudster Wormwood had a wonderful year. His Uncle Screwtape was mentoring him to be the most deceitful, thieving, [HEALTHY CHOICE OF EXPLICTIVES] possible. With the holiday season fast approaching, Wormwood decided to make a Christmas list for all the things he wanted for 2023. He sent the full list to his uncle. Had he been bad enough to get all the things he was asking for? Wormwood would just have to wait and see.

Dear Uncle,

I can't thank you enough for allowing me the opportunity to be your apprentice. Under your tutelage, I have learned so much about scamming and defrauding people. My favorite time was where we scammed that little old lady out of her last dime...good times, Uncle, good times! I am looking forward to continuing to learn more in the upcoming year. Can you teach me about tax refund fraud?

With the family holiday party fast approaching, I wanted to send you my Christmas list. I hope that I have been bad enough to get all that I'm asking for. Can't wait to see you. Grandma Snakeoil is supposed to be making her famous licorice encrusted fruitcake. I'll bring Twister and all the unopened mail I stole from mailboxes (we should have lots of presents)! Here is my list:

  • Twelve sets of FULLZ

  • Eleven large sized hoodies

  • Ten fake IDs

  • Nine large bottles of Acetone (got to wash those checks)

  • Eight stolen credit cards

  • Seven burner cell phones

  • Six online banking credentials

  • Five synthetic identities

  • Four Stuffed Scammers

  • Three boxes of fake Pokémon cards to scam Logan Paul with

  • Two USPS Bluebox keys

  • And one copy of Blank Check on VHS

Hopefully Santa gets me all these things (wink, wink).

Your aspiring Nephew,

Wormwood




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